Flawless facades

Have you ever sat in a group of friends, colleagues or even strangers and just wondered to yourself. “This is such an odd pairing, I wonder what keeps them together, are they satisfied with their needs met by each other or fulfilled by this relationship?”

This got my brain going in overdrive trying to think of parties/gatherings or anywhere when I could remember myself wondering about this. And there’s almost always this fleeting moment that piques my interest about the pair in that group, but then I’m distracted by something else and the interest fades. 

Until recently, when this topic was brought up by a friend, I hadn’t realized I was doing it. Essentially, I was judging people in the blink of an eye and just swiftly moving on with my life. 

But thinking back to every memory with this type of scenario, I noticed different facades people portray as their true self. 

Its been over a week since the conversation and after observing different relationships, the result is both fascinating and sad.

Most of the time (just my opinion) I could tell there was baggage that connected people and they aren't really satisfying each other they're just stuck. They’ve latched onto the other persons’ baggage because it feels familiar, so, they stay.

Sure there are soulmates, signs and invisible universe strings pulling people together that are “meant to be”, personally I don’t believe that but to each their own. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I’m not writing this to discredit anything or make anyone feel bad.

Anyway, the reason most people are not satisfied in their relationships is that either person has a perception of satisfaction based on things they were taught, they saw on TV or things they see other people doing in relationships. So most people go into relationships expecting a certain “calibre” of relationship. Like there aren’t enough everyday pressures in life, the person they thought they could confide in...just doesn’t understand the frustrations. 

Here’s the thing I think its because 99% of the time people don’t talk in their relationships out of fear of judgement. Nobody likes being judged.

Which is understandable since most people ASSUME the other person knows what they’re thinking and feeling, because honestly " how can you ask me that or you should know what makes me feel satisfied if you “love me” you should know these things ". Ja right, this poison comes from the world’s perception of how things “should” be or how men and woman are supposed to behave.  

People throw the words I love you around like its the same as any other sentence but then only realize after shit falls apart, what the weight of those words are. I digress.

The sad truth is we’ve all had our moments of judgement and judging. We see well in advance that certain relationships won’t have the strength it takes emotionally and the openness it takes mentally to make any relationship work, but as long as it’s not affecting our relationships we don’t care about it or give it a second thought. 

Then the conversation evolved and we discussed opposite personality vibes in relationships. Some relationships are so opposite of each other, you have to wonder how it survives if they don’t see eye to eye all the time. 

(Again, just my opinion) I think that either person craves the "normalcy" offered in their perception of what the other person means to them. Not who that person actually is.

More often than not their perceptions of each other are lies and facades which is why most people get divorced or “lose touch” with each other. 

Resentment is a big factor because they realize their partners’ aren’t what they expected.

So I think opposites attract to fulfil that need for dependence in a relationship. 

Even single people aren't single they may not be connected to someone intimately but they have people in their lives that depend on them somehow someway. 

Everyone has that inner need that haunts us, in that the only way we prove to ourselves that we are worthy of this flawless facade is if/when we are able to support another person. 

Whether its emotional or financial every facade is based on a dependency nonetheless.